I'm not starting over!

A lot of people want to "start anew" in college. That makes perfect sense to me and I think for a while I felt that way too, especially at my old high school. But now, I definitely do not want to start over. In fact, the idea of me beginning again doesn't settle well in me. I will change a few study habits or two but that's not like a "NEW ME" approach. I don't want to change. I've come so far already. I'm really comfortable with myself, (as uncomfortable as it makes me feel sometimes in say, social situations, I do like who I am). This is a semi-scary idea though. I'm pretty intense. I scare people, I suppose. I'm just really open but at the same time I'm a real freak. I do what I want to do. If I want to paint, I stop and I paint. When I want to scream, I scream. I stopped trying to impress people a while ago. It wasn't working and it made me feel awkward. Now I'm just me, making everyone feel awkward. Although, now that I'm not going to be in drama, I have nothing to blame my freakishness on. Oh well. It's all good. My best friend still loves me. =]

Last night I made Kat watch Veggietales with me on Youtube. She was like, "Wow, this is how your brain works." Yes, yes it is. I'M EIGHTEEN AND I STILL LOVE VEGGIETALES!

YEAH MAN AGAIN!

So I'm going to be in the Watauga Global Community!
I'm FREAKING THRILLED.

okay. I really am really excited, but my brain checked out for the week yesterday and I'm like, meh. today. and I hate being meh. I've done a bunch of paintings and I'm still like meh. I'm just ready to get the week over so I can...sleep or get off campus or something. I'm really excited about it though. There's an edible schoolyard. How amazingly awesome is that? I'm turning into some sort of nature freak. I just want to lay in a field and make mini bow ties for asparagus. I need to watch Veggietales. I want a salad. I want some alfalfa sprouts. Those are my freaking favorite thing.

I'm playing my guitar at church on Sunday....AHHHHHHH.

FREAK !!

This book I'm reading is boring.
I don't want to be a director.
I don't want to be an actor.
I would like to design sets only I'm dimensionally challenged and I've tried to fix it but in reality, I don't want to design sets.
I would like to design costumes but I'm better at putting together outfits out of already designed clothes than drawing up a pretty dress. But really, I just like the idea of being able to draw disproportional people and get away with it.
I like to make props. But I'm to lazy to measure stuff...so I wouldn't be a good person to hire for real.
I love the theatre. But I think now, my place is in the audience. I love watching shows. I know enough about the theatre world now, I can make educated critiques of the work, something more than "She was good." Actually she wasn't good. In fact, she played that character in the last play she was in.

But in other news, I've applied to Watauga Global Community. I want this more than anything right now. The picture here is what I sent in with my application. It's an untitled self portrait of sorts.

The yesterday, I learned a new version of hand over hand. It reminded me of why I'm in the audience now and why I love this path that I'm on.

YEAH MAN!

Yesterday, I received my acceptance letter from Appalachian State University. I'm still waiting to hear from the honors college and merit scholarships. I would enjoy going to the honors college and I really need the scholarships, but either way, I'M GONNA BE A MOUNTAINEER!!!!!!!!!!
Super duper special thanks to my favorite person in the world, Gaye, because without her, I probably wouldn't have applied!!




Oh and I "met" Anthony Rapp yesterday. That's my purple hat there on the bottom and my hand with the marker on the top. He signed my poster and my copy of Without You.

breathe.

LOVE

I like this one

I wasn't satisfied

with just one post.
I like trees.
They show up a lot now.
I don't know why.
I like this tree.
I made it with teal ink.
Trees are nice.
They
like it
when I
breathe.
I should
make the
trees happy
And try to breathe more.

This is a blog

About how I'm not a good blogger.
All I ever do is write about what I did in my journal
So really this is more like a journal report.
Not really a blog.
But it kind is a blog
why am I pressing enter after each of my sentences?
Eh.
I blame shakespeare.
I have to go be a nun now.
BE QUITE PEOPLE! WHEREFORE THRONG YOU HITHER?
and message to person in my head:
would you please stop throwing yourself against the glass wall please?
it's giving me a headache.
And the answer to the puzzle today is:
State
Of
The
Union.
Sorry if you have the cranium calendar.
Happy Australia Day!

little candle

i'll never forget the day we hopped out of your office and down the hall in sync. I don't remember why we did, and honestly there probably wasn't a reason. But I remember thinking "why can't every one be like this?" It's okay to look ridiculous.

You always had a way to make me laugh. If I was happy you could make me mad but only a pretend mad. I wasn't really mad and you weren't trying to make me mad. Just teasing me. If I was feeling bad, you made me feel so much better.

I want to meet this Lebanese woman you always talked about. You made her sound fabulous. Everything sounded fabulous. You were fabulous.

I remember the time that you made me laugh so hard I thought I would have to be put on oxygen because I wasn't getting any air. You did that a lot.

Your spirit was so big.

You made the greatest joke about my closest friends. I'll never forget that. I don't think the joke would have been the same had it come from someone else.

I bet you were an amazing Belize in Angels in America. Now you are an angel. The great work begins.

I know why you didn't want me to go far away for college. I'm not anymore. I just wish you could be here when I come back to visit.

I hope I told you that I loved you sincerely and you knew it.

I know you are still here. I felt you when I came back on campus today. I hope you lurk around. You could pull off some great pranks.

When I told you that you were one of my favorite people, I meant it.

Yesterday, I took my fingernail polish off because I remembered at the beginning of the year you saw that I had like a dot of fingernail polish on each nail where all the rest had chipped off. "Are your fingers diseased or something?" you asked. So yesterday I decided, if I saw you again I wouldn't want you to be disappointed in my nails again and I took the polish off.

You saw me. The me not everyone saw even though I didn't act any differently around other people. When I was around you, I felt that I had something to give.

I'm going to miss you. That way you dragged out your words. Ponder.

I love you.

I hope Heaven has lots of feather boas.

And barbecue.