little candle

i'll never forget the day we hopped out of your office and down the hall in sync. I don't remember why we did, and honestly there probably wasn't a reason. But I remember thinking "why can't every one be like this?" It's okay to look ridiculous.

You always had a way to make me laugh. If I was happy you could make me mad but only a pretend mad. I wasn't really mad and you weren't trying to make me mad. Just teasing me. If I was feeling bad, you made me feel so much better.

I want to meet this Lebanese woman you always talked about. You made her sound fabulous. Everything sounded fabulous. You were fabulous.

I remember the time that you made me laugh so hard I thought I would have to be put on oxygen because I wasn't getting any air. You did that a lot.

Your spirit was so big.

You made the greatest joke about my closest friends. I'll never forget that. I don't think the joke would have been the same had it come from someone else.

I bet you were an amazing Belize in Angels in America. Now you are an angel. The great work begins.

I know why you didn't want me to go far away for college. I'm not anymore. I just wish you could be here when I come back to visit.

I hope I told you that I loved you sincerely and you knew it.

I know you are still here. I felt you when I came back on campus today. I hope you lurk around. You could pull off some great pranks.

When I told you that you were one of my favorite people, I meant it.

Yesterday, I took my fingernail polish off because I remembered at the beginning of the year you saw that I had like a dot of fingernail polish on each nail where all the rest had chipped off. "Are your fingers diseased or something?" you asked. So yesterday I decided, if I saw you again I wouldn't want you to be disappointed in my nails again and I took the polish off.

You saw me. The me not everyone saw even though I didn't act any differently around other people. When I was around you, I felt that I had something to give.

I'm going to miss you. That way you dragged out your words. Ponder.

I love you.

I hope Heaven has lots of feather boas.

And barbecue.