Closure

Hi Jonathan. It wasn't hard at all to figure this out. I knew right away. You are the only person in the world who would say something like this to me. I do get help remember? I’m the one that tried to get you into getting help. You rejected it of course but I still go. Sundays 5:30pm. I might be quick to judge people, first impressions are big for me, but I always give them a second chance. I’m becoming friends Garrett, Caroline, Kaci, Braden, Kati, Anne, Tanya and Neha and I’ve discovered that I really like them. I regret not getting to know them better sooner. Maybe I do have a few control issues, but after months of being accused of things I never came remotely close to doing, I think anyone would. I think you forget what has happened to me in my lifetime. I’ve tried to explain it.

Confidence is a key in acting, a super-ego is not. My ego is not the size you believe it is. Succeeding after working to death and being proud of it is not thinking so highly of oneself. It’s called rejoicing in well earned success. Manipulative behavior has nothing to do with being unsuccessful in acting. In fact, it would probably work to one’s advantage. You know how hard I work for what I want. I get plenty discouraged and I doubt myself constantly. I have 11 beautiful people who can vouch for that. You didn’t get into a national tour Jonathan. No casting director would hire a 17 year old who dropped out of one of the best art schools in the country in the first semester. Your mother would not let you go. You couldn’t live by yourself in a controlled environment; there is no way you could live in the show business world by yourself. I am doing quite well in my acting classes. Mr. Murray said himself that there is an actress inside of me. I’ve come a long way. I think you know that.

It goes without saying that I remember meeting you. I’m not sorry that I met you. I’ve learned many lessons from this. My mother is afraid of me being in another relationship with a person who shares too many similarities with my dad. I am scared too because I fell for it and didn’t even realize it. I don’t plan on having a relationship anytime soon though. I love the independence. Freedom. I had such a great Valentine’s Day because I had the opportunity to show love to anyone I wanted and I didn’t have to worry about an overly suspicious jealous being breathing down my neck. I say what I want now. If I think someone is beautiful or radiant, I tell them. I’m looking for more and more out of life every day. I was inspired last weekend by a group of people I didn’t know existed until then and now I know I can be what I want to be. I will live a satisfied life. I will have to work so hard to get it but I will find my strength in Jesus and the ones around me who love me and support me. I have friends that love me for who I am. Friends that look out for me and gently pull my hand away from my head when I want so much to take my frustrations out by the roots. Friends that call me at 12:00am on my birthday just so they can be the first to wish me happy birthday, others who come into my room shortly after, jump on my bed and present me with a jar of cherries for my party, and then the ones who decorate my door late at night so I can be greeted in the morning with birthday wishes. Friends that let me curl up into a ball on their floor and laugh about something I never thought would happen. The same friends that sit in the hall with me when we should be studying and let me talk to all of the past me’s in my head about what I did. The ones that say I love you and tell me I’m beautiful and expect nothing in return. These are the people I neglected because you made me feel guilty for being with them because I wasn’t with you.

I want this to be the end. I no longer want you to try to contact us. You say that you want nothing to do with us yet you still seek our attention. You’ve gone back to hide where you were before any of us ever met. If you truly want to hide yourself, don’t contact the ones you’ve told your secrets to. And if those secrets are lies just get attention, I think it is you that needs to rethink your life, not me. I’m planning for my future now. I don’t want you to be a part of it.