THIS SUMMER IS GOING TO BE THE BEST EVER.
Volunteering is too awesome for words.
Work is not bringing in the money because i was freakin lied to. but thats okay. I already have a job offer for next summer and i've had the offer for the past 3 summers i just havent been 18 yet. YAY CONNECTIONS!
BUT HERES THE UPDATE:
SATURDAY-NEWSBOYS in concert. YEAHHHHHHHH. I've been waiting for years for this opportunity!!! and its here!!! I'm ready to rock out with Jesus.
JULY 21- IDINA MENZEL IN CONCERT!!!!!!!! Hello! I'm buying depends for when i wet myself.
Now I have to clean so my mom will put money into my account. Then I'm laying out which i do not like but i need a little color. =]
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Keep Breathing
As I drove home from Honk Jr. today I decided I needed to work on being. This was probably sparked by the song that was playing and the fact that it was beautiful outside. The sky was turning purply-pink [if thats a color] and the moon was just a sliver in a part of the sky that was more blue than purple. And it wasn't too hot. Of course I had my windows down because I hate AC, it bugs me and it makes me feel synthetic. So I slowed down to 35mph, hoping no one would be behind me, and actually looked out the windows at "the middle of no where" which really is somewhere, its just a little more forgotten and a little less seen than other places. And it was a very beautiful time. Just me, Boq [[my car]], Ingrid Michaelson and the landscape at 10 under the speed limit on a road I could [[and sometimes do]] go 10 or more over on.
And for a second or two, I was. just was.
And for a second or two, I was. just was.
HOLY COW ITS SUMMER ALREADY!!!!!!
This summer is going to be amazing.
So I probably won’t write a lot during it.
I have a bunch of things to say spinning in my head but I don’t feel like typing it all out. So here are the reasons this summer is going to be awesome so I won’t have to write about it later. Haha. I may add to it later… but maybe I won’t.
Holy Angels- I’m a volunTEEN, which means I volunteer but I’m not 18 so I can’t do as much. However, that doesn’t stop it from being amazingly awesome. I’m working with the creative arts therapist who also does horticulture therapy [[yay for the greenhouse and organic garden!!]]. Today was my first day and I know it’s going to be one of the best, if not THE BEST part of my summer. Too bad I can’t go more than two days a week!
Carolina Cross Connection- Must I say more? No doubt it’s going to be totally sweet, because besides getting to play with POWERTOOLS I get to see miracles happen every single day. YAY FOR JESUS!! I love CCC. It makes my summer man. And this year, I’m taking my Rush of Fools song book and getting someone to play songs for me. Hopefully someone can play guitar this year.
Honk Jr. - For the next two weeks, I’m a SUPER techie!! WOOO!! I’ve already made a few costumes, aka being attacked by spray paint, hot glue and feathers, been deemed Prop Master, and made 3 out of 5 chicken wire egg frame things [[and will finish them tomorrow with papier-mâché ]]. I will also be doing a few characters’ make-up and Mr. C has threatened to put me on a board in the booth. I’m going to fight against that one. After SCTA, I have no desire to be in the booth, thank you.
The Beach- It is going to be FUN FUN FUN!!! My parents have agreed to let my best-est friend come to the beach with me. That was a great feat for my mother (whose idea it was for him to join us and the one who did the convincing while I was off at school and at the convent) considering my best friend is of the male persuasion and my step-dad thinks we are dating (having him as my prom date didn’t help that belief). So Rocstar and SUPERbettie will be adventuring at the beach of the isle of the ocean and it’s gonna be awesome. My step brother is also sneaking in his and his girlfriend’s dog. YAY!
And now I’ve gotten distracted…blah blah blah. So I might add to this later. But I don’t know if I will or not…
Other good things: YMCA=Zumba, Pilates, Aerobics, and other fun things to do... Fastweb=Scholarships [[i can take a picture of my shoes for one...]] Riverside=Shakespeare=Reading=Finding monologues, New Cell phone, Rainbows, Making keychains and stuff, on yeah...
A JOB. i know i'm washing dishes on saturdays, but the other days, that is yet to come. boo.
So I probably won’t write a lot during it.
I have a bunch of things to say spinning in my head but I don’t feel like typing it all out. So here are the reasons this summer is going to be awesome so I won’t have to write about it later. Haha. I may add to it later… but maybe I won’t.
Holy Angels- I’m a volunTEEN, which means I volunteer but I’m not 18 so I can’t do as much. However, that doesn’t stop it from being amazingly awesome. I’m working with the creative arts therapist who also does horticulture therapy [[yay for the greenhouse and organic garden!!]]. Today was my first day and I know it’s going to be one of the best, if not THE BEST part of my summer. Too bad I can’t go more than two days a week!
Carolina Cross Connection- Must I say more? No doubt it’s going to be totally sweet, because besides getting to play with POWERTOOLS I get to see miracles happen every single day. YAY FOR JESUS!! I love CCC. It makes my summer man. And this year, I’m taking my Rush of Fools song book and getting someone to play songs for me. Hopefully someone can play guitar this year.
Honk Jr. - For the next two weeks, I’m a SUPER techie!! WOOO!! I’ve already made a few costumes, aka being attacked by spray paint, hot glue and feathers, been deemed Prop Master, and made 3 out of 5 chicken wire egg frame things [[and will finish them tomorrow with papier-mâché ]]. I will also be doing a few characters’ make-up and Mr. C has threatened to put me on a board in the booth. I’m going to fight against that one. After SCTA, I have no desire to be in the booth, thank you.
The Beach- It is going to be FUN FUN FUN!!! My parents have agreed to let my best-est friend come to the beach with me. That was a great feat for my mother (whose idea it was for him to join us and the one who did the convincing while I was off at school and at the convent) considering my best friend is of the male persuasion and my step-dad thinks we are dating (having him as my prom date didn’t help that belief). So Rocstar and SUPERbettie will be adventuring at the beach of the isle of the ocean and it’s gonna be awesome. My step brother is also sneaking in his and his girlfriend’s dog. YAY!
And now I’ve gotten distracted…blah blah blah. So I might add to this later. But I don’t know if I will or not…
Other good things: YMCA=Zumba, Pilates, Aerobics, and other fun things to do... Fastweb=Scholarships [[i can take a picture of my shoes for one...]] Riverside=Shakespeare=Reading=Finding monologues, New Cell phone, Rainbows, Making keychains and stuff, on yeah...
A JOB. i know i'm washing dishes on saturdays, but the other days, that is yet to come. boo.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Some guys are actually good guys!
This was made over spring break.
You cant read it very well.
It says:
Entitles: The hating of any guy that she comes in contact with who deserves to be hated.
Guys excluded from hating: Rocco T, Martin P, Purvis C, M. Sturkie, Dustin S, Michael A and Elizabeth's cousins. Other males may earn their exclusion by means of a series of very intensive rehabilitaion courses designed and supervised by Elizabeth Abowd herself.
Expires when the entire male race can earn hatred exclusion.
Interpretation and then I just went on a rampage! [[i didnt go back and edit it either]]
April 3, 2008
Maybe I just hate ideas. I don’t know. Interpretation. I don’t like that word most of the time. Especially when it’s say, for a grade. How does so and so interpret this concept says the question. I don’t know, ask them! The answer I give is simply my own interpretation of the work that will be graded by a person who may have a different interpretation thus my grade will be judged on how my interpretation in interpreted. Which if you ask me, is unfair because someone else could interpret my answer differently and also interpret the work which the question is about differently. And then, there are the questions that ask for your opinion. I hate those because it doesn’t matter what your opinion is as long as the grammar is right and you appear to know what you are talking about. And then you are going to be told that your content is wrong or you haven’t thought through your opinions enough. Sometimes I’d rather not explain every aspect of my opinion. Why? Because someone will get offended because maybe I interpreted the subject wrong. How dare I think that a classic author is bad! I’m sorry, but I cannot like everything just because GREAT AMERICAN WRITER is stamped across the cover of the book. It wasn’t difficult to read, the topic just proved to be boring. And because I say that I obviously have no appreciation for true aspects of human life. Well, shame on me for not loving everything I come in contact with.
I often get in “trouble” for voicing my opinion. This has only really embarrassed me one time and I’d rather not go into it, but I will say I was just frustrated and uneducated. But that’s not the point. The thing is, 95% of the time I don’t agree with people if I don’t actually agree with them. I chose to abstain from sex until marriage. Call me a prude fine but I have a list of reasons why I’ve chosen this path in life. It’s more than just my mommy told me and the Bible says honor your body. I’ll write a blog on that later. So a person decides to be like “Waiting until marriage is stupid. I wanna get laid.” And everyone agrees because how dare you disagree with this person. And I think to myself, well that’s one person I won’t date, have fun getting the clap pal. And then I say, “Well I’m waiting” as I flash my ring (which I chose for myself, my mom simply helped financially) and then I get the “Oh such a good girl” and I say well actually [insert reason here]. So half of the people standing there don’t like my views, I don’t care. Then later one of them will be like “I feel that way too.” Thanks. I’ll admit, in my past I’ve bashed a few things in the wrong way, mostly sports, but I’ll put my opinion out there for that since I’m on a bit of a rampage right now and I’m really not on topic but I really am. Sports anger me. Professional sports/high school sports/ college sports. Basically the ones that get lots and lots of attention. Why are athletes paid so much? I mean I’m sure some of them aren’t paid much but the big NFL guys I see on TV have too much for their own good. And they get paid for what? Playing a game that millions of kids play every day. Except its different because people flock to see them play and each time they touch the ball they get a new addition added onto their already oversized house. And then you think, but gosh, you are an artist. Getting paid to imitate humans. Like being in a film is so hard. Well actually, some of those celebrities shouldn’t be paid to be in movies and actually I think many of the movies today are completely lacking in any meaning anyways. But that’s another blog. And art and sports are different. Art can change lives by being art. Football changes lives when the quarterback decides to give the loose change he found in his 15 person diamond encrusted leather couch to a charity. Okay so I’ve reached the point where my middle school days of being an angry artist come out and starts being close minded. I will tell you however that I have many opinions about each side that I agree and disagree with. Which fits perfectly with the preliminary intention of this blog. That there are too many opinion/interpretations in this world and authors should just dissect their own works and compose answer guides for teachers on how to grade that quote from page 234 that has to do with an opinion of life’s desires.
Maybe I just hate ideas. I don’t know. Interpretation. I don’t like that word most of the time. Especially when it’s say, for a grade. How does so and so interpret this concept says the question. I don’t know, ask them! The answer I give is simply my own interpretation of the work that will be graded by a person who may have a different interpretation thus my grade will be judged on how my interpretation in interpreted. Which if you ask me, is unfair because someone else could interpret my answer differently and also interpret the work which the question is about differently. And then, there are the questions that ask for your opinion. I hate those because it doesn’t matter what your opinion is as long as the grammar is right and you appear to know what you are talking about. And then you are going to be told that your content is wrong or you haven’t thought through your opinions enough. Sometimes I’d rather not explain every aspect of my opinion. Why? Because someone will get offended because maybe I interpreted the subject wrong. How dare I think that a classic author is bad! I’m sorry, but I cannot like everything just because GREAT AMERICAN WRITER is stamped across the cover of the book. It wasn’t difficult to read, the topic just proved to be boring. And because I say that I obviously have no appreciation for true aspects of human life. Well, shame on me for not loving everything I come in contact with.
I often get in “trouble” for voicing my opinion. This has only really embarrassed me one time and I’d rather not go into it, but I will say I was just frustrated and uneducated. But that’s not the point. The thing is, 95% of the time I don’t agree with people if I don’t actually agree with them. I chose to abstain from sex until marriage. Call me a prude fine but I have a list of reasons why I’ve chosen this path in life. It’s more than just my mommy told me and the Bible says honor your body. I’ll write a blog on that later. So a person decides to be like “Waiting until marriage is stupid. I wanna get laid.” And everyone agrees because how dare you disagree with this person. And I think to myself, well that’s one person I won’t date, have fun getting the clap pal. And then I say, “Well I’m waiting” as I flash my ring (which I chose for myself, my mom simply helped financially) and then I get the “Oh such a good girl” and I say well actually [insert reason here]. So half of the people standing there don’t like my views, I don’t care. Then later one of them will be like “I feel that way too.” Thanks. I’ll admit, in my past I’ve bashed a few things in the wrong way, mostly sports, but I’ll put my opinion out there for that since I’m on a bit of a rampage right now and I’m really not on topic but I really am. Sports anger me. Professional sports/high school sports/ college sports. Basically the ones that get lots and lots of attention. Why are athletes paid so much? I mean I’m sure some of them aren’t paid much but the big NFL guys I see on TV have too much for their own good. And they get paid for what? Playing a game that millions of kids play every day. Except its different because people flock to see them play and each time they touch the ball they get a new addition added onto their already oversized house. And then you think, but gosh, you are an artist. Getting paid to imitate humans. Like being in a film is so hard. Well actually, some of those celebrities shouldn’t be paid to be in movies and actually I think many of the movies today are completely lacking in any meaning anyways. But that’s another blog. And art and sports are different. Art can change lives by being art. Football changes lives when the quarterback decides to give the loose change he found in his 15 person diamond encrusted leather couch to a charity. Okay so I’ve reached the point where my middle school days of being an angry artist come out and starts being close minded. I will tell you however that I have many opinions about each side that I agree and disagree with. Which fits perfectly with the preliminary intention of this blog. That there are too many opinion/interpretations in this world and authors should just dissect their own works and compose answer guides for teachers on how to grade that quote from page 234 that has to do with an opinion of life’s desires.
I dont know when I wrote this.
BREATHE
I have to start breathing more. Listening and paying attention to my body. Things that I do that I don’t even realize. Can I stay still? That’s a challenge. If it’s nice out on Friday or Saturday, I’ll see if I can stay in the same spot for an hour in the park. I don’t know if I can or not. What will happen if I do? I don’t know. I left my devil sticks in Michigan. Uncle Peter is mailing them to me but I doubt they will get here by the weekend. I like juggling because I move and I have to concentrate the whole time. It’s the one thing I have that I’m not afraid of doing wrong. Why? Because I haven’t found anyone to really tell me it’s wrong yet. I’m my own judge. So I can do about four tricks and that’s okay with me. I can still work on the basic moves. I’ll watch the DVD I got for Christmas with them eventually.
I’m not much of a breather. It feels weird to breathe when I think about it. Like in Danny and the Deep Blue Sea. I’m still reading that play but I really like it. The Children’s Hour is great. I’m really excited about the scene.
I found a lot of things over break that I’ve been searching for. They’re dumb things but I found them. I found this lip gloss that I’ve been searching for at Bath and Body Works. Apparently, the South Park Mall with its high class-ness, carries what I wanted. It was a bright spot in my pathetic prom dress search. No prom dress at South Park but hey, I got the lip gloss I’ve been searching for. And then[[actually the lip gloss discovery came after this…]] I’m in Babylon, [[ethnic grocery in Michigan]] and I find this chocolate that one of the cooks at the convent brought to me when I was little. I was so excited to find it because I’ve asked her about it for years and she could never remember what it was. Then I saw the box on the counter and I knew right away, kid with an orange shirt and a glass of milk! Two little triumphs for me.
I have to start breathing more. Listening and paying attention to my body. Things that I do that I don’t even realize. Can I stay still? That’s a challenge. If it’s nice out on Friday or Saturday, I’ll see if I can stay in the same spot for an hour in the park. I don’t know if I can or not. What will happen if I do? I don’t know. I left my devil sticks in Michigan. Uncle Peter is mailing them to me but I doubt they will get here by the weekend. I like juggling because I move and I have to concentrate the whole time. It’s the one thing I have that I’m not afraid of doing wrong. Why? Because I haven’t found anyone to really tell me it’s wrong yet. I’m my own judge. So I can do about four tricks and that’s okay with me. I can still work on the basic moves. I’ll watch the DVD I got for Christmas with them eventually.
I’m not much of a breather. It feels weird to breathe when I think about it. Like in Danny and the Deep Blue Sea. I’m still reading that play but I really like it. The Children’s Hour is great. I’m really excited about the scene.
I found a lot of things over break that I’ve been searching for. They’re dumb things but I found them. I found this lip gloss that I’ve been searching for at Bath and Body Works. Apparently, the South Park Mall with its high class-ness, carries what I wanted. It was a bright spot in my pathetic prom dress search. No prom dress at South Park but hey, I got the lip gloss I’ve been searching for. And then[[actually the lip gloss discovery came after this…]] I’m in Babylon, [[ethnic grocery in Michigan]] and I find this chocolate that one of the cooks at the convent brought to me when I was little. I was so excited to find it because I’ve asked her about it for years and she could never remember what it was. Then I saw the box on the counter and I knew right away, kid with an orange shirt and a glass of milk! Two little triumphs for me.
Ganked!!!
So my next blogs which will appear before this one are recent blogs that I have made on Word because my internet doesnt work in my room. i'm using my roommates internet cord at the moment. im procrastinating but i dont care. i've been itching to put these up.
Friday, March 21, 2008
A Similie not for school.
It's kind of like going to a really great chinese restaurant and you order this really great entree that your friends all agree sound pretty great. And you eat it, and it's great and your friends are happy that you enjoy this entree so much. But then you start to feel weird because you feel similar to the way your mom felt one time she ate chinese. So you go home and realize that you just ate rotten dog and it makes you really mad because you made a mistake similar to what your mom did and you fell for it and so did your friends. And after you are done puking up the dog, it clogs the toilet from time to time and no matter how many times you time to flush it, it just wont go away.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Closure
Hi Jonathan. It wasn't hard at all to figure this out. I knew right away. You are the only person in the world who would say something like this to me. I do get help remember? I’m the one that tried to get you into getting help. You rejected it of course but I still go. Sundays 5:30pm. I might be quick to judge people, first impressions are big for me, but I always give them a second chance. I’m becoming friends Garrett, Caroline, Kaci, Braden, Kati, Anne, Tanya and Neha and I’ve discovered that I really like them. I regret not getting to know them better sooner. Maybe I do have a few control issues, but after months of being accused of things I never came remotely close to doing, I think anyone would. I think you forget what has happened to me in my lifetime. I’ve tried to explain it.
Confidence is a key in acting, a super-ego is not. My ego is not the size you believe it is. Succeeding after working to death and being proud of it is not thinking so highly of oneself. It’s called rejoicing in well earned success. Manipulative behavior has nothing to do with being unsuccessful in acting. In fact, it would probably work to one’s advantage. You know how hard I work for what I want. I get plenty discouraged and I doubt myself constantly. I have 11 beautiful people who can vouch for that. You didn’t get into a national tour Jonathan. No casting director would hire a 17 year old who dropped out of one of the best art schools in the country in the first semester. Your mother would not let you go. You couldn’t live by yourself in a controlled environment; there is no way you could live in the show business world by yourself. I am doing quite well in my acting classes. Mr. Murray said himself that there is an actress inside of me. I’ve come a long way. I think you know that.
It goes without saying that I remember meeting you. I’m not sorry that I met you. I’ve learned many lessons from this. My mother is afraid of me being in another relationship with a person who shares too many similarities with my dad. I am scared too because I fell for it and didn’t even realize it. I don’t plan on having a relationship anytime soon though. I love the independence. Freedom. I had such a great Valentine’s Day because I had the opportunity to show love to anyone I wanted and I didn’t have to worry about an overly suspicious jealous being breathing down my neck. I say what I want now. If I think someone is beautiful or radiant, I tell them. I’m looking for more and more out of life every day. I was inspired last weekend by a group of people I didn’t know existed until then and now I know I can be what I want to be. I will live a satisfied life. I will have to work so hard to get it but I will find my strength in Jesus and the ones around me who love me and support me. I have friends that love me for who I am. Friends that look out for me and gently pull my hand away from my head when I want so much to take my frustrations out by the roots. Friends that call me at 12:00am on my birthday just so they can be the first to wish me happy birthday, others who come into my room shortly after, jump on my bed and present me with a jar of cherries for my party, and then the ones who decorate my door late at night so I can be greeted in the morning with birthday wishes. Friends that let me curl up into a ball on their floor and laugh about something I never thought would happen. The same friends that sit in the hall with me when we should be studying and let me talk to all of the past me’s in my head about what I did. The ones that say I love you and tell me I’m beautiful and expect nothing in return. These are the people I neglected because you made me feel guilty for being with them because I wasn’t with you.
I want this to be the end. I no longer want you to try to contact us. You say that you want nothing to do with us yet you still seek our attention. You’ve gone back to hide where you were before any of us ever met. If you truly want to hide yourself, don’t contact the ones you’ve told your secrets to. And if those secrets are lies just get attention, I think it is you that needs to rethink your life, not me. I’m planning for my future now. I don’t want you to be a part of it.
Confidence is a key in acting, a super-ego is not. My ego is not the size you believe it is. Succeeding after working to death and being proud of it is not thinking so highly of oneself. It’s called rejoicing in well earned success. Manipulative behavior has nothing to do with being unsuccessful in acting. In fact, it would probably work to one’s advantage. You know how hard I work for what I want. I get plenty discouraged and I doubt myself constantly. I have 11 beautiful people who can vouch for that. You didn’t get into a national tour Jonathan. No casting director would hire a 17 year old who dropped out of one of the best art schools in the country in the first semester. Your mother would not let you go. You couldn’t live by yourself in a controlled environment; there is no way you could live in the show business world by yourself. I am doing quite well in my acting classes. Mr. Murray said himself that there is an actress inside of me. I’ve come a long way. I think you know that.
It goes without saying that I remember meeting you. I’m not sorry that I met you. I’ve learned many lessons from this. My mother is afraid of me being in another relationship with a person who shares too many similarities with my dad. I am scared too because I fell for it and didn’t even realize it. I don’t plan on having a relationship anytime soon though. I love the independence. Freedom. I had such a great Valentine’s Day because I had the opportunity to show love to anyone I wanted and I didn’t have to worry about an overly suspicious jealous being breathing down my neck. I say what I want now. If I think someone is beautiful or radiant, I tell them. I’m looking for more and more out of life every day. I was inspired last weekend by a group of people I didn’t know existed until then and now I know I can be what I want to be. I will live a satisfied life. I will have to work so hard to get it but I will find my strength in Jesus and the ones around me who love me and support me. I have friends that love me for who I am. Friends that look out for me and gently pull my hand away from my head when I want so much to take my frustrations out by the roots. Friends that call me at 12:00am on my birthday just so they can be the first to wish me happy birthday, others who come into my room shortly after, jump on my bed and present me with a jar of cherries for my party, and then the ones who decorate my door late at night so I can be greeted in the morning with birthday wishes. Friends that let me curl up into a ball on their floor and laugh about something I never thought would happen. The same friends that sit in the hall with me when we should be studying and let me talk to all of the past me’s in my head about what I did. The ones that say I love you and tell me I’m beautiful and expect nothing in return. These are the people I neglected because you made me feel guilty for being with them because I wasn’t with you.
I want this to be the end. I no longer want you to try to contact us. You say that you want nothing to do with us yet you still seek our attention. You’ve gone back to hide where you were before any of us ever met. If you truly want to hide yourself, don’t contact the ones you’ve told your secrets to. And if those secrets are lies just get attention, I think it is you that needs to rethink your life, not me. I’m planning for my future now. I don’t want you to be a part of it.
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